yesterday was easy happyness came and went - razorlight america-
thts really nostalgic.
some songs, kept playing they remind u of tht certain period u keep playing. whne im hooked to a song i tend to play it over and over. in the future when i play it back ill remember how it felt then.

my head spins,somewhere below my shoulders hurt. squeezes. i dont believe in a heart feeling feelings. but i believe in the beats and breaths of a body. if it hurts. its the sudden jolt of heart rate.

thinking back on how easy it was last time. when we thought it wassant easy at all. when we had it. its only when we've lost we'd appreciate it. now i laugh at my feelings . i feel amused. very amused. it feels alien now. all the tears, all the locked up thoughts. even when i feel sad. it feels sooo alien. something that probably requires experimenting. its been really tough to actually admit it. but yes. this is my first heart break. it feel like cracks. it literally does. emptyness would be a comfort to the chaos ive been feeling for the past 5 weeks.

how ironic the song on playing on my play list right now as i type this is -ill stay with you- by switch foot. cause really no matter how hard it is. no matter how empty it is. nothing is going to remain the same. nothing would be as tough as remaining here. nothing would make it go back. it hurts.i dont know what does. but it really hurts inside. Ive always thought how its over rated when people say how their hearts feels like its ripping. it really does feel like its ripping. The cure. is to leave and forget. nothing would hurt more, be as draining as staying at the same position as i was in the past few weeks. trying to tape back an already broken glass is never going to work. its been punched severly. fallen. broken into peices. no matter how much it was denied and tapped back. dry eyes, bitter tears.

Finally its admitted. no more thoughts. nothing.
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